I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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