Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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