party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize