I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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