I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
