I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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