then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
