I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
