If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
