well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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