Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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