I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
