The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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