the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
