Kiss
Puke
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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