I have demons in me.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
