i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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