So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize