Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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