Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
