he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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