Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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