He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
