we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
