i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
