I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize