I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
