but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
