we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
