You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
