it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize