You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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