God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
