I just cut my nipple shaving
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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