I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
