Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
