Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
