Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
