Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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