If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
