genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
