its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
