yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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