i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
