when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize