I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
