id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
