I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
