I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize