careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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