I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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