I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
