When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
