I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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