his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
