gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
