She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
