So gin and wine won't be happening again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize