1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
